ME Stories

denial

I first saw a GP for post-exertional malaise about 6 months after my symptoms started following a nasty virus. She told me it was probably the menopause despite me having no other symptoms of this and ran a very basic blood test.

When the results were in,  she told me that "medically there was nothing wrong with me". I did point out that as there were only 7 results I was pretty sure that the could be more than only 7 things in the world wrong with me.  No, she said - menopause.

I struggled on alone. I felt rejected and humiliated and very disinclined to go back. In the meantime my sister in law told my Hubby that she felt like me during the menopause,  so every time I voiced concern over how ill I felt,  i was told - menopause. After 14 months of symptoms I saw a different Dr. I went with a page and a half of symptoms written down, every single one of them a symptom of ME/CFS. She tested me for everything and 2 weeks ago diagnosed me with

I really didn't want it to be ME and despite all the signs and symptoms from my body I kept on trying to do everything I have always done. I didn't look too closely at what could happen as I couldn't be that person.

2 days later I woke up in my first major crash. To find myself stuck in bed,  unable to sleep, read or watch tv was a bit of a shock. 2 weeks on,  if I stay in bed most of the day I can get up for a few hours later on. I can watch a little tv and i am sleeping better.

If I had trusted my instincts from the start and not listened to the naysayers, perhaps I would never have crashed. However,  I think I probably needed this ME rock-bottom to truly accept my illness and it's limitations. I only hope that the overall denial that I colluded in hasn't caused further damage. 

 

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